Protected Mealtimes

One of the highest priorities of the NHS is to ensure patient nutrition is optimised. Given that in most hospitals, nursing staff (not kitchen staff) are responsible for the serving, delivery, and feeding of patients, some genius implemented a 'Protected Mealtimes" policy. This means, that under NO circumstances whatsoever, are patients to be disturbed at their dinner (aka lunch). Nurses feeding patients are also not allowed to be disturbed under any circumstances whatsoever (cardiac arrest? Sorry, I'm feeding Ethel).

At my last hospital, this went as far as ringing a 5 minute 'warning' bell to inform all therapists, doctors, and nurses of the impending meal, followed by a shrill "GET OFF THE WARD" bell. One had exactly 30 seconds to evaculate before being dragged out by the collar.
I did hear of a consultant who was told in no kind terms that he was violating hospital policy by talking to a patient during lunch. Not sure how well that went down...

There's one problem with this policy, demonstrated below.

Speech and language therapist (SLT, that's me) walks into an inpatient mental health facility to assess a patient's swallow.
Is met by surly nurse who has been forced to leave her Hello magazine to unlock the door.

SLT: I've come to see Mrs such-and-such.
Nurse: she's right over there, having her lunch.
SLT: ok, great. Could I possibly have a chair to sit beside her?
Nurse: no, she's eating her lunch.
SLT: yes, that's what I've come here for. To watch her eat her lunch.
Nurse: but it's protected mealtime. You can't disturb the patient at lunch.
SLT: yes, I know. I won't disturb her. But I need to assess her swallow.
Nurse: can't you do it after her lunch?
SLT: (Pauses. Raises eyebrows.) I need to watch her eating, in order to assess her swallow.
Nurse: but it's protected mealtime.
SLT: ok. Shall I come back later and watch her swallowing when she's not eating? I'm sure that would give me a great idea of her choking and aspiration risk. Give me the chair please. Go back to your Hello magazine, where you're obviously more useful to the sick and elderly (Last comment conducted in SLT's head).

Ah gotta love the NHS.