How I know I'm a Londoner

10 ways London has rubbed off on me...

1. I've adopted the London scowl.

The London Scowl unexpectedly came in very useful.

Perfected within my first week on the London underground, this peculiar facial expression is distinctive amongst Londoners who have to brave the London underground in peak hour. I swear it's evolutionary, a survival-of-the-fittest to ensure you make it to work alive. The look says 'I'm LATE, YOU'RE in MY WAY, and where I have to be is VERY IMPORTANT because I am VERY IMPORTANT, so get OUT OF MY WAY.' You need this look so that tourists get out of your way, children are scared into silence, and pregnant and disabled people lose the confidence to ask for your seat.As demonstrated above, the scowl can also be used to ward off potential (drunk) suitors.

2. I don't make eye contact in crowds.

Gah.

Londoners don't stick to walking on the left, or right, or any sort of order on the streets. So I found myself constantly in those awkward 'sorry dances' you do when both people try to get out of each others way. Someone told me the only way to stop running into people was to stop looking at them. It works! Want to get through a crowd? Stare into the middle distance as you walk, avoid any eye contact, and miraculously, everyone moves out of your way.

3. Most of what I eat is pre packaged.

Mmmm... and S.

Don't judge. Everything you would want to eat comes out of a box in London. Most central London supermarkets are the size of service station grocery sections, so buying anything that requires more than a zap in the microwave is quite difficult. The food that does come out of a box is such good quality that you'd never know. Pre-marinated steaks, sushi, fresh sandwiches, even fresh fruit and veggies are all pre-washed, pre-cut, zap in the bag. Cooking ingredients are a rare thing in this city.

4. Most of my coats and jackets come with hoods.

Everyone loves a hood. Except Jess.

Umbrellas in central London at peak hour are as useless as a chocolate teapot, and as welcome as a fart in a phone box. But survive the rain I must, so the hood is indispensable.

5. The first thing I do when anyone walks into a room is put the kettle on and offer everyone tea. It's like a reflex response.

Cream Tea in The Lake District.

 More ways continued...


6. If I wait more than 3 minutes for a bus or tube, I roll my eyes and get very impatient. 3 minutes!!

7. I expect chivalry. I'm now no longer picking my jaw off the ground when a door is held open, or when a man allows me onto the bus ahead of him. And not because they're trying to impress me in some way, it's just ingrained in their upbringing. The bar has been raised, Aussie men...

8. I say 'yog-hurt' instead of 'yo-gurt', trousers instead of pants, flip flops instead of thongs. I use words like 'blustery', 'glorious', and 'sodding'.

9. I know most of the bus numbers and routes to most of the main destinations in central London. Finally I can join conversations like 'oh, you could also catch the 35 if you want to go past..', and 'hm, you're better off on the 149 if you want to get to ...'. Don't get me wrong. I can still get lost 5 mins from home, but at least I can talk the talk of bus numbers.

10. I call 13 degree weather 'mild'. This is not something I'm proud of, but for better or worse, I'm officially acclimatised. I even caught myself getting annoyed in a 19 degree day- it was all a bit too hot.

Things have changed.